I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
