so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize