I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Randomize
