Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
His hands were made for my vagina.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Randomize
