No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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