Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
