I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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