oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
