Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
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