There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
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