everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
I wear drunk well.
Randomize
