Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
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