well you can't waste a boner
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Randomize
