we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
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