my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
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