It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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