3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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