Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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