ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
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