shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
Randomize
