I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
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