u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Randomize
