I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
