dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
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