yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
