Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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