what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
Randomize
