You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
You ruined the universe
Randomize
