Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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