call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
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