No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
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