her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
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