I don't usually arrange sex via text message
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
Less talking, more tequila
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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