Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
She even gives head with a lisp.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Randomize
