just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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