in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Randomize
