...so i touched it.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Randomize