I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
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