the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
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