You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
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