i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
