I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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