I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
