You just made me feel so damn special
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
