I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
