i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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