Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
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