im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
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