if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
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