I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
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