so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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