so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
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