Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
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