I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
