Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
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