dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
