so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
