its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
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