Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Randomize
