I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
Randomize
