The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize