dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Randomize
