nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Randomize
