is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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