when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
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