my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Randomize
