I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
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