I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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