Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
Randomize
