So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
